Whew

Lets get yesterday down a few posts or something.

So it was a bad few days for me, and now it is over. It's a part of the PMDD process I guess.

So it is colllllddddd here right now. Cold as in about 40f outside. But that is cold anymore.

Ryan has been acting up in school a lot lately. No idea what to do, as we have done everything. Took away all games. Grounded him based on weekly school reports. Given him more chores. The thing that has helped, I told him if he got into trouble this week I would take him to have his long hair cut off. Since I told him that we have had nothing but good reports...so far.

His dad called about a week ago, and was asking about the child support and what we were doing with it. He talked to Ryan for a few minutes and that was good, because besides everything he loves his dad. He loves Steve to, so I think he might feel conflicted at times. But I should have known something was up. He called, now no child support coming.

I thought he was doing better, but that is for another day.

Cheers,

Lost

Have you ever gotten so low, to a point where you just want to say I give up? I don't want to do this anymore. I am tired. I am weak.

Have you ever felt so bad, internally, emotionally that you see no way out. No way to escape and come back to normalcy. That all you see and feel at that moment is torment. Agony so bad that you can only cry. The agony is not a nervous system responding to pain agony, but a full fledged mental assault on yourself that you cannot escape.

Currently, that is me. I don't know what to do. Where to turn. How to cope. How to act. I try to make it better inside myself, but I just can't seem to this time. It's like I see that rope, and I grab with the tips of my fingers and then something happens, something minor but repeatedly and I feel those fibers delicately woven into that rope sliding out of my reach.

I guess that maybe I need to go back to the Dr. and tell her that my meds are not currently working. Or maybe this is something more, something bigger and I need to see someone more specialized. I have no clue. I just know that currently I am lost.

There are so many things in my life that are wonderful, my husband, my children. But there are other small issues that build upon themselves that I just cannot seem to handle anymore. I just don't know what to do. Today is a bad day, yesterday was worse. Is it the PMDD, or is there something more wrong with me.

I just want to reach and grab onto something and come out of this, and it seems that there is nothing left to grab.